February 20, 2004
The Sketches and The Ambivalence
about blogging, that is.
I sketch all the time. I do not write all the time. Drawing comes easy to me - it is and has always been a pleasure to me. Writing, in contrast, can be akin to torture for me. Yet, writing has become a necessity. There are things I must write about. If only for myself - for clarity within myself. One ambivalence I feel in writing a blog is the public nature of it. Even though the 'audience' will certainly be very limited, there is nevertheless a sense that this is public writing. This is not intended as a diary form blog. Hence the delay in doing regular submissions. I'm still trying to get the hang of this brave new world.
The advantage of public writing is that it does force me to keep on my toes. I do have a reader in mind. My solitary writing tends to spin out into stream of consciousness. It can be a fun and wild ride, but it is not conducive to thinking through an idea to a structured end. The nature of 'public' writing seems to help me, compel me, to think more carefully.
My sketches are also stream of consciousness. I rarely sketch from life. I tell people often that for every stained glass panel I finish I have at least 50 sketched out. I've never really counted, but I'm beginning to think that might be an underestimate. I recently took a stack of thumbnail sketches I did about 2 years ago and scanned them into the computer. I have yet to make a panel based on any of these sketches, and I know there are at least 1,200 sketches in the stack. Granted, they were small thumbnail sketches, many being no more than the size of a large postage stamp. Yet they are all sketches for stained glass windows and could be made into panels.
And what keeps me from making them into panels? Time factors in, of course. The myriad distractions of work for money, family, children, commitments. But I suspect there is also that pesky ambivalence that says, "You may have 1,200 sketches, but I only see maybe 6 good designs in there, if that."
That's when my public self chimes in -
6 designs is good. Do it.
okok I will. I promise.
Someday. Soon really.